Friday, June 8, 2012

What Is My Motivation? What Is Yours?

I've been thinking a lot about motivation and persistence the last few days. I started searching through some of the blogs that I used to frequent daily to give and receive motivation during our weight loss challenges and I was sorry to see that many, in fact most, of them are now gone or abandoned.

On most of those blogs, their last posts were not ones of success. I wonder if they ever made it. Or, did they give up? And if they did, WHY did they give up? They were putting so much effort into what they were doing in order to get healthier and have better lives.

I never really gave up on myself when I quit blogging here. Even though I have gained so much weight in the last six months or so, I wasn't consciously thinking, "What the hell, it doesn't matter. I'll never succeed anyway." or anything like that. The fact of the matter is, my life just kind of exploded all around me and I was consumed with survival in general and in taking care of my children.

During that time it was virtually impossible to live a healthy lifestyle. We lost everything we had, were virtually homeless and I had to hurry and scramble to get things put back to some semblance of normalcy. I wasn't really able to concentrate on what we were eating, so long as we had something - anything - to eat. And, I spent up to 80 hours a week on the computer once we got settled working, working and working some more to get to the place we are now.

With God's help, we are now exactly where we need to be, blessed beyond measure and doing better than we  have ever done before. And when I say WE, I mean myself and my five children. In that case and in this, I believe that survival was my motivation. As for persistence, let's just say I am jam-packed with that. I may have times during which I throw myself a pity party, say 'I give up' and have a good cry, but then I find that it is impossible for me to stay in that state of mind. And so I start again.

I've done more do-overs than anyone on the planet, I believe. :)

Why do I want to lose weight? Why am I starting over instead of saying the hell with it and snuggling down into my size 16 jeans for good? Because that just isn't me! Inside this body is someone who NEEDS to be healthy. Not that you can't be in a size 16 and be healthy, but it isn't healthy for me. I look bad, I feel worse and I know that I can be better.

With everything else in my life so great, my health now needs to fall in line. I have 65 pounds to lose in order to reach my goal weight. I am going to ditch it. I AM going to ditch it.

View my complete Food Diary HERE.

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